I can’t tell you how many times I hear, “I’m not sure if I should continue… Maybe it’s not meant to be.” Rubbish, I say.
If you want to continue pursuing your goal, the process may not look like at all like you had originally imagined it. It may, as one patient said to me, “take the stuffing out of you”. It’s possible that your energy is lower, your waistline is wider, your fuse is shorter and your wallet is thinner, but if you want to keep going, then you need to keep going. We have the tools and strategies to help you keep going. And, by all means, don’t go it alone. Achieving your family building goal may be exhausting, but it may be worth it.
On the other hand, if you have just had it, or you want to set a limit on how much you can spend, sacrifice and push, then you must honor that choice. Research shows that undergoing fertility treatment can feel as depressing as fighting a life-threatening illness. Life is not about torturing yourself. You can get help or quit, but it should be your decision.
When luck is not on your side, it’s natural to feel like the world is against you, and perhaps you were wrong to want more, or to push harder. It is so important that no matter which road you choose, you have a sense of agency and take back your power to choose the path that is right for you and your family.
Yet, for many, it can feel like the Universe is telling them what to do. I’m going to challenge you on this point. When someone gets diagnosed with an illness, do they decide that they are meant to have that illness? Don’t many of us get vaccinated against all sorts of diseases or get flu shots? And even when illness doesn’t threaten us, don’t we often seek medical intervention to have a better quality of life? How many of us have had a mole removed or wore braces to straighten our teeth?
We are all entitled to live the best life we can. I truly believe we are all here to feel whole and happy. That picture is different for different people. For some, ending treatment and deciding to buy that new house and take up golf makes sense. If this is the road you choose we can also help you create a full and enriching life.
Ending treatment may make perfect sense for some, and for others, three children is just right.
There is no right answer, only the answer that is right is the one that is right for you.
For many, faith is very important, but when we fall victim to our circumstances rather than deciding what works for us, we have lost faith in ourselves and then we are not living the life we are truly meant to live.
And remember, you don’t need to struggle alone. We are here for you.
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